Lucavi's Tongue! :P
by Number 9
Summary: Story of a evil cigarette called Lucavi's Tongue which causes havoc and chaos for our heroes. Even more dangerous of the Lucavi demons themselves...


How many out there have had the opportunity to choose between life and Love?  
Love can be a very dangerous force if used by the wrong force. Think of it as the holy Zodiac stones.  
They can hurt you emotionally and physically. Don't you agree?  
Some declare love is the greatest thing, while people like me?  
I claim love is a devious emotion one carries in their mind which corrupts them  
and eventually make them do very stupid things at difficult times which not only  
makes you embarassed but gets you bad names if things doesn't flow smooth.  
It makes you blind. You can't see the reality but instead fantasy.  
In a way it's like alcohol see?  
Alcohol slows down your reaction and ability to think with reason.  
Love slows down your reaction and ability to think with reason. + has effect physically and mentally hurt.  
Love is a devil in disguise as a angel. The root of all evil...  
To those who seek love... beware... @.@ What thou hath seek art evil... T__T  
  
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It's another job well done in the mining site located underneathe Mustadio's house.  
"I finally found it!" He exclaimed. In his hand, he held a small, unusual machine. Namely Toaster.  
"I'm soooo happy." He shouted.  
But nobody was there to share his happiness...  
  
"What is wrong with me today? he asked himself. I mean, I did find all that useless pieces of scrap metals...   
I should be happy... Shouldn't I?"  
  
As he wondered in his technological head, his father, Besrodio fell from the big hole in Mustadio's bedroom.  
"Ouch! Damn it son! Isn't there a safer way to get down here without breaking your ass?!"  
  
Mustadio looked at his junks and sighed.  
  
"Wh What?! What's gotten into you boy? Why. Aren't you happy to find all that junk me boy?"  
His old man sat beside him and tried to find what was bothering his son.  
  
"Dad. How did you find mum?" He asked  
  
"What're you talking about son? I'd never. I found you in the mining shed one day and decided to raise you."  
  
"Just like that?"   
  
"Yep. Jes like that."  
"..."  
"Alright... I know what's troubling you. I wouldn't be your father otherwise. You're lonely aren't you?"  
  
He was surprised at his dad who guessed it straight away.  
"Ho. How did you know?"  
  
"Simple. If a man is no longer satisfied with his tools, junks, and his scrap metals then it means he is lonely."  
  
"SO What can I do?"  
  
"McDonalds. I'll buy you a BigMac combo with extra big fries.That would make you feel better."  
  
"Dad! Don't get me off the subject and tell me some good advices!"  
  
"Mc... (Sigh) Alright son. But let me warn you beforehand. Love is your enemy. Love is evil and most of all  
Love is dangerous... As for my advice, go and see Ramza and his gang. You haven't seen them for a long time now."  
  
Mustadio packed his things and left before his father could say Mc D.  
  
  
Ramza's hideout.  
  
"Hello everyone! It's been a year since we last met on the Airship Graveyard." Ramza greeted everyone.  
His house was in mess and everyone started to slowly reach for the door.  
"Now, now everyone. It's not that we're asking all of you a big favour." His face slowly turned from a bright smile  
to a evil grim smile.  
"door! Get the door!!!"  
magical beam dashed for the door and locked, bolted and stood guard in front of it in the form of a door.  
Cid concentrated his mind and holy force into his sword.   
He releashed the holy energy, forming ice shards to strike down the door.  
"Statis sword!"   
But the door did not budged.  
"Nice try Cid. But that door is sealed with a barrier spell which dates back to ancient Ronkan empire."  
"I can feel it's power... You are not Ramza are you? asked Rad.  
"You're right. I'm not Ramza... My name is Samza. Ramza's twin brother."  
Everyone was confused with their mouths opened wide in fear.  
"I've known Ramza since childhood, but I've never seen the likes of you... Samza!"exclaimed Delita.  
"No... I don't suppose you have Delita... You see, when Ramza was born 3 seconds after me  
my parents adored him..."  
  
(Samza's memories...")  
Balbanes: God! Thank Ajora! He is the most handsome thing I've seen in my life!  
Ramza's mum: Aww... He's so cute! Why bother keeping his dull brother?  
  
Back to Ramza's Hideout  
  
He lifted a sheet revealing Ramza.  
"I am your brother" He faced Ramza and greeted him with a hug.  
I was locked in the attic because mom and dad liked you more than me.   
I had nothing to do up there but comb my hair and eat pidgeons...  
  
I also dreamed of...Ahem...blowing up the world."  
Ramza drew out his sword. "I will never let you do that!" and he slashed at Samza's arm.  
"HAHAHA! You cannot hurt me fool! I am helped by a greater force. I don't die. I won't die."  
Blood started to ooze out of his wound.  
"AHHHH!!! That hurt you imbecile!!!" Samza hopped around the room like an idiot.  
Reis found the courage to hit him with a purse.  
Thuck! Her handbag delivered a mighty blow to Samza's head.  
"You've won this time brother... But I'll get you...I'll GET YOU!!!"  
Pa Thock! another blow was delivered this time to his nose.  
Samza disappeared into thin air as he shouted his last quote  
"You'll never get away with this!   
...  
..  
.  
CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!"  
Everyone stood there half dumbstruck as all this had happened in the blinks of an eyes.  
Izlude opened his mouth and managed to say a few words "That was weird."  
  
By the time Mustadio reached Ramza's hideout, they were all gathered in the mysterious forest drinking and  
eating their plate of roasted red panther. They gathered around the bon-fire chatting amongst themselves.  
  
Mustadio stared at Meliadoul. He shivered at the sight of her warm smile and tender skin. Oh how he wanted her...  
He admired her beauty as a strong gust of kami kaze blew her chestnut coloured hair like a rag doll.  
As the conversation became less neccessary, Ramza suggested to play a game of dare...  
  
"Let's play a dare game!" he whispered in a suspicious voice.  
Everyone agreed without question.  
A half drunken bottle of 'Mog Lunatic' was placed on top of a barrel as everyone circled at it's greatness.  
With a great force Ramza turned the bottle of destiny to point the chosen one. The bottle spinned crazy and eventually  
pointed between Meliadoul and Mustadio.   
  
'WHY ME!!!!!!' he wanted cry but only done so through his mind.  
"Kiss her! Kiss her!" Alma blurted out with excitement.  
The two blushed in embarassment.  
"Calm down Alma, Ovelia hassled her hyper active friend, It's not lady like of you to suggest such things."  
"What do you suggest a man and a girl do you prissy girl." She retorted at Ovelia's comment.  
Then suddenly changing her face from anger to joy she kept asking Meliadoul.  
"Well? Are you going to do it? Are you going to do it with Mustadio? Are you?"  
Meliadoul kept turning away from direct confrontation with Alma while a streak of blood started to gush out of  
Mustadio's nose while his face was burning in a bright red colour. His heart was racing.  
'This is it! I'm almost there!'   
Agrias broke the tenseness in his heart. "Ramza has an idea everyone!"  
The attention was back towards Ramza who stood with a packet of cigarettes.  
"I think we all need to give ourselves some time to think about what we should make these two do. So I'll hand these out."  
"It's called Lucavi's tongue. It's the most strongest smoke ever made in hell!"  
Everyone each took a cigarette from Ramza. All except Mustadio.  
"Whats wrong Mustadio? Don't you want to be a part of this?" Ramza asked him in a quiet voice.  
"I don't smoke." He replied.  
Suddenly from the earth a circle of fire engulfed his friends who all took a   
dirty,foul,vile piece of Lucavi's Tongue in their mouth  
and breathed in the perverted,disgusting smoke produced by this hidious, evil smoke which never left their mouthes.  
Their tongues started to swirl, twist and make evil signs which weren't meant for mortal eyes and   
eventually rolled the smoke in their tongues.  
He panicked. The fire grew strong as they breathed in that dirty,dirty smoke and soon it was impossible for Mustadio to  
jump in the fire to rescue his friends and his beloved Meliadoul who started to get hot.  
"Hahhaha!!!" Ramza cried his mean laugh.  
"It's no use trying to save your friends Mustadio! because they are in the influence of Lucavi."  
"It's you!" Mustadio drew his gun and aimed for his head.  
"Yes. It's me. Samza! A gun is useless against me, you junk head! Just like Balk I'll be revived again!"  
Mustadio pulled the trigger and with a poweful force concentrated on a single bullet,   
it shot through Samza's head knocking him dead.  
"Gah... I'm dying.. But McD will live on! the symbol of capitalism!" his blood started to squirt at every direction.  
"Plus you'll join them soon." then he fell dead.  
"One more thing before I die... You'll pay for this!... CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!!!! EH!" The strain on his left pinky killed him.  
  
From the fires he could see all the ladies undressing, exposing their devilish red lingeries.  
Mustadio's eyes widened and his nose exploded with a frenzy of blood.  
Among the group, the prettiest of them all, Meliadoul beckoned him to join them.  
"Mustadio~ Please... Join us. Please smoke..." she caressed his cheeks "Join me... smoke....for me?"  
He reached for the smoke as Meliadoul breathed in the ugly, damned smoke into her lungs.  
Her tongue made a menacing spiral.  
As his fingers barely touched the Lucavi's Tongue cigarette, his surrounding blurred and he saw -BLINDING- light.  
"Mustadio! I am Balbanes Beoulve! an angel and a father to Ramza and Samza Beoulve as well as the rest."  
Mustadio cried in despair "How can I save my friends and my lover o great one!"  
"I don't know!" The voice shouted and nearly deafen him to death.  
"Your friends are under the influence of Lucavi. Desert them if you wish to be free...   
Meliadoul lusts for more Lucavi's tongue. Forget about her. She's too good for you, there are plenty of   
FISH in the ocean. Good bye Mustadio. Oh and you should try the BigMc Combo with extra large fries, because  
it helps you to feel better."   
The voice faded and so did the -BLINDING- light which surrounded him.  
He fell unconcious in front of Meliadoul...  
  
-Next Day-  
All he saw was black. No colour. Eversince that encounter with Balbanes he couldn't see anything but the blackness.  
"Where am I?" his question was soon answered by a doctor.  
"Your in Saint Pen Rakshu hospital."  
"Why can't I see anything?"  
"You're -BLIND-..."  
This startled Mustadio. "WHAT?!"  
"Oh. By the way, you're friend is here to see you. "  
Ramza came in and pulled out a packet of smoke he found in the campsite where everyone was found to be burned alive.  
"You want one Mustadio?"  
"I don't want a FISH!" and Mustadio was locked up in St Kletian Drowa's hospital for mental kids forever...  
  
  
  
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-Author's note-  
  
Don't be afraid. I am your friend.  
Don't be shy. I'm not going to bite your puny head off your shivering shoulders as if   
a diablo chew his barbarian chew toys.  
Ok. Don't flame me because this fic is weird people. I know.  
It's weird. In fact. I don't even know if there are anyone out there who reads this stuff.  
In conclusion, it was difficult for me to write ridiculous piece of work. ^^^  
If your offended. Fine. But it's only a little joke. There I said it. joke.  
Don't get offended EH!DON'T GET OFFENDED!!!   
ok people? ?.?  
Instead... Be happy~! ^^^  
I suppose you want the character bios for the new character I've created on this fic.  
Well... here it is. The mastermind of all evil.  
  
Lucavi's tongue  
Age:12  
Job:Evil Cigarette  
  
It will give one illusions of their innermost happiness while the actual physical body is under it's possession when the   
cigarette is smoked by users. It was first created by Lucavi demon to take over the world. Instead his way of advertising   
was not popular among people of Ivalice,Ronkan,Ordalia. Who would, when he would destory their villages and threaten to   
unleash bloody mascre in their village if they didn't buy one. It was known to be destroyed by the Zodiac Braves along with  
Lucavi's G strings (G-Strings once worn will give the user extrordinary power. But most the time turns thems into demon's  
of Lucavi. But for those who can control it's tainted spirit, she will lose 1/10 health each turn for wearing it. Not  
recommended for male characters to wear them as this will reduce their hp 1/2 each turn)= 2 turns male character dies.)  
After his fall, he roamed Ivalice as a vengeful spirit... until he met his successor. Samza Beoulve.  
Balbanes' unwanted child because his twin was more handsome than himself.  
Samza carried out his crusade by becoming a retail agent. He gained the ability "SELL" and "ADVERTISE".  
It's menacing power will gather as many people it can by using the bodies of the possessed souls to lure and beckon to  
their friends to join them. When it's time is up, it will engulf everyone in a circle of destructive flames to kill.  
  
and it's sidekick... ^^^  
  
Samza Beoulve  
Age:18  
Job:Successful merchant  
  
When Samza was born right before Ramza, he was adored and loved by his parents.  
But when Ramza came out after him, he was soon hated by his parents because Ramza looked better than him.  
He argues that there is no difference between them as they are twins.  
Samza was locked up in the attic because his mum and dad loved Ramza more than they loved him.  
All he did up there was comb his hair, practice make up with Alma who secretly discovered that she had another brother to   
make him beautifully handsome so he can be accepted by their parents, and... this innocent child dreamed of...  
blowing up the world! He died when his face got blown up by a deadly bullet from Mustadio's pistol.  
He exclaimed his utter hate for Captain Planet and prayed the safety of his beloved idol...   
Mc D symbol of capitalism before he met his bloody ends.  
  
-What did we learn today?-  
  
Is it that smoking is bad for you? It can be and I want to say... Don't smoke! Smoking kills!  
But that's not what we learnt. Is it that love suck and everyone shouldn't love anybody? No.  
It's ok to love, as long as you don't get hurt. My advice is dump them before they dump you.  
Or than is it that William Shakessphere only allowed men to play in his play because he was a   
homo-sicko and was in love with the guy Henry Dimork who played the part of Juliet Capulet while he was   
actually having affair with Simon Palmer a noble man who played the part of Romeo Montague and had three  
tall, muscular men hanging around him -EVERYWHERE- he went just because he liked to drink with them  
but in truth he liked them better than he liked shorter men? No my friends... Perhaps another time.  
I'll bring up the issue with William Shakespheres forbidden relationship... But for now?  
The lessons we learnt today was...  
  
1. Never purchase goods with Lucavi on them as most of them make you a self destructive psychos who would eventually   
kill themselves by using Lucavi. Lucavi=Devil. Don't be fooled...  
2. Never lock away one of your child even if one is more handsome than the other.(Only occurs if you have twins)  
They will be scarred forever and dream of blowing up the world.  
For those who enjoy locking a twin in attic. I have one thing to say to you.  
You bad bad people! Don't do that!^^^;;  
3. When you feel low due to a break up or rejection, don't worry about it. Have some McDonalds.  
4. Dorothy from Gundam Wing series has a eyebrow which sticks out of her skull as if she had a pair of devil antenna.  
See it close, although I don't advise you to look that close...  
5. Finally... I'm so cool! ^^^ hmm...--;; ok. forget about the 5th one...--  
  
Ahhh. finally. Another fic published....^^^  
It was one hell of a moko too! 


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